Rick and Morty: Stories
by The raccoon master
Summary: I just wanted to invent season 3 episodes for Rick and Morty, so here it goes! I'll start with one, but there should be more after, each one being a chapter. Read if you would either like to see the funny duo's new adventures through time, space, and dimensions, like Rick and Morty, or have already read my other story. I know you should like these ones! Don't even trip, dawg!
1. The good and the Rick-less

Rick and Morty: The good and the Rick-less

 **Author's disclaimer and comments: Rick and Morty belongs to Justin Roiland and Dan Harmon. All rights reserved to them and Adult Swim. I do not any part of the show.**

 **This is The raccon master! I've decided to start working on a small fanfic of the show, because I really like it. The story might get updated after, but this is the first episode idea I've had. If you aren't into script-style fanfics, don't read it. Also, Total Drama Charge will be continued, so don't worry about that. Finally, please note this is an imaginary episode of season 3, but not the premiere one.**

''And awayyyy, we gooo!'' - Rick Sanchez, in all of our hearts.

(The episode starts off in what seems like an oustide market, on an alien planet. Rick and Morty are walking amongst people of various species, looking at tables on which are disposed various interesting items, being sold by alien merchants. Rick drinks a bit from his usual alcohol container. Rick stops to buy a turquoise, oval shaped fruit from a pink elephant-like life form. He bites into it and smiles, then pats Morty on the shoulder.)

Rick, drunk: You... you see Morty, there are a lot of *burps* nice... nice stuff in here. Like this fruit I just bought for 20 flurbos, it tastes like, like Vodka! Real nice, not shitty vodka, *burps* BITCH!

Morty, intrigued: Vodka? You... ( _He scratches his head_.) For real?

Rick, eating the fruit: Yeah, like *burps* vodka, Morty. Oh, and if you're trying to get some from me, you... you should know the answer is definitely, *burps* no. It's already hard enough for me to be drunk like that right now, I... I wouldn't want you to, you know, belch and be all stupid and mean, alright? I mean, damn son, look at me!

(Rick stops, staring at a table. He takes Morty and drags him with him, throwing the fruit in Morty's face accidentally.)

Morty, angry: Jeez, Rick, couldn't you, I don't know, like, learn how to throw, or something? And w-where are you going?

Rick: Don't worry, you cunt. There's a really cool gadget on this... table.

(They walk to it, and Rick talks to the seller. The merchant seems to be a Gromflomite, with a huge gray beard.)

Rick,in the seller's face: How... how much d'you WANT for this *burps* shit? I... can pay you... a lot of money...

Seller: You need to pay me in Zeekaborgs if you want to buy this.

Morty, to Rick, pulling his arm: Rick, do you even have these on you? I mean, yo-you gotta have the right kind of money to, you know, pay him.

Rick, awfully stupid and loud because of his drunkness: OF COURSE I DON'T HAVE DAMN ZEEKABORGS, THEY'RE USED BY ONLY 0.1 PERCENT OF THE GALAXY'S POPULATION! (He whispers) But it's... it's okay because this alien guy, Morty, he's a, he's a real (fucking; bleeped out.) dumbass, *burps* Morty! ( _He turns to the seller_.) You- you heard that? You're a stupid **traitor** , and I BET YOU ( _He pauses to drink_ ) didn't even watch season 19 of the Inter Dimensionnal Dr Phil show!

Seller, about to object: Actually, I'll let you know I HAVE and...

(A Stranger in a dark brown cloak comes and puts his money on the table. He is a physically built white man with a brown beard, only one eye and brown and gray hair. The seller stops and looks at the money. He takes it and counts it. His eyes go wide and he gives the gadget to the man. )

Seller, to Rick: 5000 Zeekaborgs. They have the same value as 250 000 of your useless, shitty-ass American dollars, sir. Just by **looking** at you, I doubt you'd have had enough money to pay for this item. Plus, it wasn't for anyone: you can destroy dimensions with it. ( _He whispers_ ) It's not for pussies.

(Rick and Morty's eyes expand, and they look at each other. Morty is about to say something to Rick, but Rick's flying saucer comes crashing on the seller and his stand. Blood is splattered everywhere and aliens are running and screaming in fear. )

Rick, getting in the vehicle: C'mon, Morty, we both... we both know no (fucking; bleeped out) invention is powerful enough to do that. ( _Morty puts his seatbelt on, petrified, and Rick drives the ship into space_.)

(The theme show plays. It is the season 3 one, as it will appear on television.)

(At the Smiths' home, Summer is typing on her phone, while Beth and Jerry are watching television. Jerry has the remote and Beth holds a glass of wine. Rick and Morty enter the home.)

Morty: H-hey mom! Hey dad! Hey Summer! W...what are you guys doing?

Summer, without looking up: Isn't it obvious? As long as I know, you've got eyes, brother. You should be able to **see and know** what we are doing.

Rick, walking to the garage: Jeez, someone's been hitting puberty hard. If anyone needs me, I'll be working on some stuff in the garage. Please knock before you enter, alright?

(Exit Rick. Jerry turns off the television. He stands up and pats Morty on the head, smiling.)

Jerry, to Beth: Honey, could you please come with me? ( _She looks at him, unsure_ ) Please...

(Beth sighs and leaves her glass next to the sofa before following Jerry. They go to their room. After entering it, Beth closes the door.)

Beth: What is it you wanted to tell me?

Jerry, scratching his head and facing the door: Well, I think you know that I really, really love you, and that nothing in my heart has changed since we first met. I just want to make sure that, you know, everything is fine; that you still love me and that I haven't done anything that you disliked recently. ( _He turns to Beth, that looks at him, a small look of pity in her eyes_.) Look,uh... What I am trying to say is, I want us to go on a romantic dinner date tonight -if you're okay with that- so we can spend some alone time and be together as a couple. Also, I don't only want our relationship to be well, I... ( _He smiles shily at her_.) Remembered it's our couple anniversary today!

Beth, touched: Aww, Jerry... ( _She hugs him and sheds a tear_.) Of course I'll go on a date with you! Do you have everything planned, already?

(Jerry nods with confidence as Beth jumps into his arms, happy. She goes to his ear and whispers.)

Beth: I'll make sure I wear my best robe tonight.

(Cut to the Smiths' garage, where Rick seems to be lighting up a small piece of metal on fire, before dropping it in an unknown purple liquid in an erlenmeyer, which then disappears and teleports itself over on the ceiling, hanging down like gravity doesn't affect it anymore. Rick looks at it in amazement, but suddenly Morty swings the door open and enters the room. The erlenmeyer falls on the ground, splattering the liquid everywhere.)

Rick, angry at Morty: God (fucking; bleeped out) damnit, Morty! WHAT DID I SAY?

Morty, trying to remember: Uh, you said, that...

Rick: I told everyone to knock before entering, because I was working on some stuff in the garage! ( _He points at the mess on the floor_ ) You-you-you see that, Morty? That's the fruit of many years of research that were done sollely by me! I've done so many tests that led to this one, it's... it's a disaster! I had created an electrolytic solution that reacted to metal as a half-liquid, half anti-matter, dawg! It could defy gravity, and you just... you just, come into, into here and slam the door and make all of it fall to pieces, Morty...

(Morty comes to Rick, slaps him and pulls him down to his face.)

Morty, a bit agressive: Listen, Rick, I... I uh, got a problem, you see... ( _He calms down and starts scratching his head_.) My, you know, my... My manhood? It's... It's disappeared.

Rick, not buying it: Oh, so your dick is not there anymore, huh?

Morty, nervous: I can't, you know, I can't just come in and... and lie to your face, Rick! My penis has disappeared! It was here this morning, it was here when we went to that alien market place, but uh, when I wanted to, you know, stroke my wiener just a while ago, I... I discovered that I didn't have it anymore. It's just gone!

(Rick looks at Morty, pokerfaced, not saying anything. He goes to his fridge, takes out a beer and starts drinking it.)

Morty,frowning upon Rick: You're not buying this, are you? I can show you a proof.

Rick, spitting his beer on the floor: Puh-lease Morty, I'm not an easily impressed 15 year old basic ass hoe. (Censored: n word), I don't want to see your tiny sword.

(Morty takes off his pants. Rick looks away. Morty starts going after his grandpa in the garage.)

Rick, running away from Morty: Gross, Morty! Even worse than an eight legged crab spider from an alternate dimension! I- *burps* am not taking a look at that.

(Morty literally jumps over his grandpa. He is now completely naked, but nothing is censored. There literally isn't anything down there. He looks at Rick, grabbing his neck, and lets himself fall down.)

Morty, satisfied of himself: Now, what do you say?

Rick, sarcastic: I was expecting better from you, you know? You didn't **tell me** your testicles were gone **too**.

(Still in the garage, Morty and Rick are sitting and eating delivered pizza. Rick is holding a pizza slice in one hand and using a wrench to, it seems, fix a part of a small, opened machine, over his work desk. The machine looks similar to the one he used in a rickle in time. It has a small screen and a keyboard, and displays names on its sreen. The camera zooms on the machine's screen to show that the names are all dimension names. Rick stops using the wrench and puts the machine's bottom back where it was. He types a code on the keyboard, which activates an AI. Note that Morty was watching all along.)

AI, with a stereotypical American black men's voice: Welcome, Rick Sanchez. What can i do for you?

Rick, while eating his pizza slice: Marco, please find me all the existing dimensions you can, and tell me how many there are.

Marco: Processing... ( _Marco lets out a few bleeps and bloops before finding results_.) There are presently pretty much 3 .1016 dimensions. However, they are decreasing at an alarming rate that I damn can't measure!

(Rick looks in the air, alarmed. He turns to Morty.)

Rick: Morty, d'you remember the time I told you there is an infinite amount of dimensions?

Morty: Yeah, I do... It was a while ago.

Rick: Well, turns out it's more complicated then that. You see,*burps* since the start of the multiverse, well uh... dimensions have been created exponentially. I've scientifically proven that there was only one dimension in the start, and then others started appearing. ( _Rick looks at Morty, who is staring at Rick with a confused look on his face_.)

Morty, scratching his head: I... I'm trying to get it Rick, but I just don't see it. Could you, you know, reformulate it for me?

Rick, a bit angry: It's like pimples; pimples on your face, Morty! When you're a teen, it starts slow, but then you become an **ugly shit** , even more complicated and bad than before! ( _Rick grasps his head, exasperated_ ) This guy in the market, Morty, you know, the uh *burps* guy with the... with the cloak? He bought this machine, that could create dimensions. I *burps* didn't believe this (motherfucking; bleeped out) seller, but turns out this machine **exists** , and I have all the possible good reasons to believe that the cloaked guy really wants to... to use it to destroy all the dimensions, one by one, Morty! It could be possible, because even though dimensions are created pretty fast, based on what my boy Marco ( _He points at the machine_ ) told us, the asshole could use the machine and anything he-he-he wants to power it! ( _He starts shaking Morty like if he was a small tree_.) If we don't do anything, the whole Multiverse is going to crumble apart!

Marco, saving the situation: Rick Sanchez, I have good my super-computer, I've scanned all the dimensions one by one, and I was able to locate the dimension the... Destroyer lives in. He uses portals just like you do, but with all due respect, he has better technology than you, DAWG!

(Rick goes to take alcohol from his fridge starts chugging it after opening it.)

Morty: Oh boy... We... have to do something, Rick!

Rick, direct: Yup, and that is exactly why I'm sending you there, dipshit.

(Morty's eyes widen and his face twitches a little.)

(We are now at at fancy restaurant, where Jerry and Beth are spending their couple anniversary like they agreed to before. We get to see the whole restaurant from inside. The entrance, the bathrooms, the kitchens, the tables, the stairs to a private room, the bar and lounge area and all the lights suspended from the ceiling. They are sitting, facing each-other and holding hands. Jerry looks at Beth, who smiles in return. After a few seconds, a waiter arrive. He has a small mustache, black hair, brided eyes and glasses.

Waiter: Hello sir, hello madam, my name is Jack. May I offer you anything to drink? If I may suggest, tonight's wine is a real classic. ( _He does the ''perfect'' sing with his signs_.)

Jerry: Um, yes, we'll have a bottle, right Beth?

(She seems to be lost in her thoughts, but answers when Jerry touches her shoulder.)

Beth: What? Yes, we'll have wine, excuse-me, ha... I must be in the moon. ( _She laughs nervously_.)

(Jack the waiter leaves. Jerry presses his hand on Beth's and looks at her, concerned.)

Jerry: Is... is everything alright?

Beth, nostalgic: Yeah... It's just... I whish that, we could go back in time, and I miss the days we started being... **together**. I have nothing against our relationship right now, but, you know, these were... good old days. ( _She smiles at Jerry_ )

Jerry, understanding: I know what you feel, but there is no need to be stressed and want to live these moments again. Even though our marriage has been sometimes hard over the recent years, we both still love each other and this -our date at the restaurant- is an occasion to celebrate our couple. ( _He leans in to Beth and kisses her lightly_.) Wait for me just a minute, I've gotta go pee. Sorry, but I will do it quickly.

Beth, smiling: Okay.

(Beth takes a sip of wine as Jerry leaves the table, going to the bathroom. He opens the door, and goes to a stall. He unzips his pants and starts peeing. Actually, he notices nothing comes out. He makes weird faces, before looking down. He looks back up, gulps.)

Jerry, horrified and very loud: WHERE IS MY WIENER?!

(The waiter enters the bathroom, horrified just like Jerry, and his pants down. He panics and runs to Jerry.)

Jack the waiter: MINE IS GONE TOO!

(They start crying to tears in their arms, hugging. Soon, the bathroom is filled with men, all sobbing about their missing manhoods. The camera cuts back to the room, more specifically Beth and Herry's table, where she is waiting with a bored look on her face. She hears all the screams and cries and runs immediately to the bathroom, soon followed by all the women in the restaurant. A pot, filled with boiling water, is shown to explose, unsupervised. Cue to Beth, kicking the bathroom door open.)

Beth, mixed: What the (fuck; bleeped out) is going on here?

(Suddenly, a portal rips open from the bathroom's ceiling. Another one appears in the ground. One tall and slender man in a suite falls through both portals continuously, going through the ceiling, then through the floor.)

Jerry, crying: I DON'T GET IT! HOW CAN IT NOT BE THERE ANYMORE?!

(Undiscernable yells are heard, and some women go to comfort and interrogate the men. Beth pushes a woman to the ground, climbs on her back and yells for everyone's attention.)

Beth, ordering: EVERYONE, CALM DOWN! THERE MUST BE AN EXPLANATION TO THIS!

(Finally, the men that was falling in the portals stops falling as the portals close. He walks to Beth and shows the people a badge. We can notice he wears gloves.)

Portal Man: Andrew McAndrew, Interdimensional Organ Disappearance Police Inspector. I've **come** to **handle** this **hard dick case**.

(We can now see Morty, walking on the surface of a planet in another dimension. He is wearing a helmet and an audio gadget, so he looks like the team in Anatomy Park, albeit a bit different. He watches in amazement as weird plant-fish-bird things roam the sky and feathered octopuses that shoot acid roam the earth. Note that Morty continues walking while talking to Rick and other things can be seen.)

Rick, through the ear apparel: M... *burps* Morty, can you hear me?

Morty, looking around: Roger, 5 on 5, Rick! This place is awesome!

Rick: Yeah, well don't be too sure. In this dimension, the Earth is way different. I don't know exactly what happened, but uh, you know, probably the typical, this happened and now everybody's dead kind of... Of shit. Be careful what you do.

Morty, worried: Rick, w-w-wait! Why don't you, you know, come over here with me too? I mean, I'm pretty sure it'd be safer and there would be way less chances of us failing if you were here too. I-I'm just the... teenage boy, **somewhat** expendable, not necessary to a lot of things, but you... you're a genius, Rick!

Rick: Yeah, well, I've already given you a copy of my portal gun. Use it if you... you need it, and only if. Don't forget about the lava pistol either! I will supervise the mission and see what you see through the eye implant I put on you. If anything goes to hell, I will come rushing in with anything necessary to... save the situation, alright? ( _There is a small pause. Rick breathes deeply_.) I just want you to be a hero for today, but without *burps* me, because, uh, I believe in you, Morty!

Morty, touched: Awww, you... you really mean that? That is, uh, so sweet man! Cus, you know, I... I've been on all sorts of adventures with you, but it always felt, like... like I needed you to be okay, like you were the leader of the mission, always giving me, giving me orders and doing your job. Now I realise, you actually think of me as way better than I thought, and I think that's really flattering. The only thing more flattering than that, would probably be if you actually let me get Jessica to, I guess, tag along on a next adventure, but...

Rick, annoyed: Just keep walking Morty! We'll have time for a talk later. I'm... I'm already full of your words and need a break.

(Morty frowns. His fists are clenched.)

Morty: Alright, I think I see something. It's somekind of grey brick, small square building.

Rick: Walk to it.

(Morty obeys, but he is suddenly taken into the air by some kind of pterodactyl, which lifts Morty with its claws. Morty drops his lava pistol and portal gun accidentally. Morty screams. The winged creature turns its head and spits a small living being from its mouth. This being proceeds to walk to Morty and steal his ear and eye implants.. The camera cuts to Rick, in the garage. He throws his portal gun on the wall.)

Rick, desesperate and mad: (Fuck; censored) I don't have any (fucking; censored) battery left in this (motherfucking; censored) portal gun! Morty's (fucking; censored) doomed! (He turns to Marco, the super dimensionnal computer.) Marco, could you help me with anything?

Marco: Don't want to worry you, Rick Sanchez, but I think you're right: Morty's (fucking; censored) doomed.

Rick, sarcastic: Oh joy! That's all I ever hoped for.

(We can only see pitch black on the screen. A voice is heard. It is low and masculine, with a small british accent.)

Voice: Morty, wake up. I will give you anything you need. I hope my ptero-Daryl didn't hurt you too much.

(Morty opens his eyes, we can see that he is on a long chair, in a lab, and looking around him. The man is the same one that got the dimension destroying machine at the alien market. One eyed, bearded, muscular, brown and gray haired. This time he wears no cloak.)

Morty, sleepy: Who... who are you, and where am I?

Stranger: I don't want to alert you, so I'll say it slowly. Welcome to my dimension! I have figured out that it's your grandpa Rick that sent you. You are in the lab of the last person on Earth, at least in this dimension. You see, to make it simple, I am you. I am Morty Smith.

(Morty's eyes grow bigger. He can't believe it.)

Morty: That's impossible! You-you-you're just lying!

Survivor Morty, serious, and walking around his lab: Absolutely not. You see, the thing that happened here is quite terrible. After my Rick succeeded into cleaning our Earth from the Cronenbergs, and making everyone normal again, there was a highly dangerous and contagious disease. I verified and it only happened in my dimenstion. So, everyone was dying at a tremendously fast rate, and at this point, Jerry had decided to tell the whole world that Rick was going to be the only man capable of saving us all from the plague. ( _He looks at Morty, then looks away_.) However, when Rick finally found a cure for it, most of the world was already dead, so he saw it as useless and destroyed it. Our family survived by chance, and also thanks to the defense system he had installed over the house. However, the ressources were scarce outside, and Summer had somehow gotten the virus, even after spending the last six months inside. She died. Finally, Rick gave me all the knowledge he had before killing himself. After his death, because I wanted to be in pain for a lot less longer, I created a machine that ages me way faster than I would naturally, and I killed my Beth and Jerry to end their sufferings. It's been only a few months since I became the last person on Earth, and have lived inside here, as well as created animals and made myself a farm. ( _He walks to Morty, and speaks in his face_.) Any questions?

Morty, traumatized by what Survivor Morty had to go through, but still needing to know: Why do you have a British accent?

(Survivor Morty thinks for a second. He smiles.)

Survivor Morty: That is something I don't know.

(Morty tries to divert Survivor Morty's attention. He looks by the lab's only window.)

Morty: Oh my god, is that Jessica? It totally is! Man, she looks so... hot right now, you should see this!

(Survivor Morty laughs, amused and devilish.)

Survivor Morty: D'you really think I will fall for that? I want to destroy all universes so mine can be all bak to normal and the only one remaining. You won't change anything to my plans.

(Back at the restaurant's bathroom. Andrew McAndrew is in the middle of the room. Questions are being asked to him from the four corners of the room.)

Unknown bearded man: Do you think our sticks will come back?

Unknown granny: I am not staying with Bob if he doesn't have his penis! Could you make it come back?

Bob, angry: 50 years of mariage and she says that!

Unknown small black woman with a huuuuuge Afro: Ain't nobody gonna take my Tyrone's wand and get away with it; not without any consequences, I can tell you that!

Unknown bald man: Maybe we're all getting punished for our sins. I made out with a goat once.

(We see Jerry jump in Beth's arms. She looks less than pleased.)

Jerry, desesperate: Why the (fuck; censored) are dimensions implicated in this? I don't know, do some aliens want to use my dong to put it in the heart of someone?

(Beth gets angry at everyone for their annoying questions and comments.)

Beth, really mad: EVERYBODY LISTEN UP! I THINK WE SHOULD LET INSPECTOR MC ANDREW TALK. (She turns to him, everybody listening. Beth is now calm.) Inspector, please.

Inpector Andrew McAndrew: Thank you ma'am. As you all know, the times have been **hard** today. I know it must be a bit of a **hard ride** for you, but all in all, you are all **stiff** men, like always. Anywho, this case is really **penetrating** us all. We men all wish to not lose our **joypads.** You women wish to **play with them,** and it is understandable. Now, the only thing I can do is interrogate you one by one. I have to see if the disappearances all **came along** at the same time. ( _He points to Jerry_.) I'll start with this man. Tell me, uh... Tell us what happened.

Jerry, talking really fast: So, my wife and I had planned to come to the restaurant to have a romantic couple anniversary dinner. We got served wine, and everything was normal. But, when I went to the bathroom to go pee, I discovered the horrible truth. My manhood was gone, and so was the one of all of these other men.

(All the men agree. The inspector pauses to think. He exits the bathroom, making the follow me sign to everyone. They all exit the bathroom and go around a table. McAndrew takes out a small ball from his pocket. He throws it on the table, and it transforms into a telivision. The TV automatically goes to a news channel, where a male news anchor, in India, is talking to a woman. )

Man: As you can see here, Chantal, the Wiener Death is present in India as well. It has been reported many times that most of the men in the world have already lost their... penis. Those who don't have yet should expect it to go away pretty soon. Please, if you are one of these lucky guys, please go enjoy yourself! JERK OFF WHILE YOU STILL CAN!

(The television automatically goes back to its original size and appearance, and into McAndrew's pocket.)

Inspector Andrew McAndrew: There is only one plausible explanation.

(Without explanation, McAndrew creates another teleportation portal. He exits and appears on the camera, now in the Smiths' garage, where Rick is crying and getting drunk. The inspector approaches Rick, and lands his right hand on the scientist's right shoulder.

Inspector Andrew McAndrew: Rick Sanchez, please follow me through a portal. I know you are responsible for this, and whether you like it or not, well... ( _He takes out a portal gun_.) You are coming with me.

Rick, drunk: NO! I *burps* am responsible for... **nothing!** Eat shit, you bitch!

(Rick suddenly becomes sobber again, and knocks McAndrew out with a solid kick to the guts. Rick takes the Inspector's portal gun, and sets it, before teleporting himself, determined.)

(Back into Survivor Morty's lab, where Morty is now in a cage, suspened over a pool of acid. The gadget is noticeably on the floor, next to the lone one. The villain explains his plans to Morty, while smoking a cigarette and back to Morty.)

Survivor Morty: And then, by using the neo-plasmatic energy that is contained in the human penises, I will power the machine, allowing myself to destroy all of the other dimensions. ( _He turns to Morty.)_ That is my plan. I don't care what you think, because what counts is my vision of it. I believe that it'd be better off if my dimension was the only one remaining, because, as small as the chances of everybody dying like they did here are relatively small in the Multiverse, I need to avoid them at all cost.

Morty, scared and mad: YOU-YOU-YOU... you're crazy! If you think that anything you've said makes any sense, I'd recommend you write each of your words down and read yourself, logically. It's... it's (fucking; censored) insane!

(Morty pauses. The camera zooms in on Survivor Morty's face, revealing an amused look. He puffs his cigarette, and presses a button on a wall. Morty's cage goes slightly down, getting closer to the acid pool.)

Morty: Are you... are you even realising what you're about to do? You can't... just, uh, destroy all the dimensions just because yours went to shit! I'm... I'm really sorry about what happened, you know? And I feel tortured right now, because ( _He points to them while saying the next few words_.) you are me, and I'm you, and you have been through a frickin lot of crap in the recent months. But the way... the way you deal with your problems just doesn't make even a small amount of sense! Trust me, Morty, you don't realize the consequences of your actions. ( _Morty starts to cry, and rocks himself in the cage. The screen is now divided in too, so we can see Survivor Morty's reaction to Morty's words_.) I mean, you know, dawg, I've been on plenty on adventures with Rick ( _Survivor Morty's eyes both twitch_.) before, just like you. This is the most dangerous one yet. We are talking about all the other possibilities being permanently erased. ( _Survivor Morty nods_.) It's like deleting all of your data on a videogame console , except that we're talking about real lifes here. Real people, real planets, real realities, and real, unprecedented destruction. ( _Survivor Morty starts to tremble. He knows Morty is right, but doesn't want to admit it._ ) Are you sure this is how you're all gonna end it? After you do it, there will be no going back, and after, well... You'll be the last intelligent form of life ever, and you will eventually die, only leaving nothing behind you! Are you sure you want to continue?

(Survivor Morty starts to cry. He snuffs up his cigarette on his forehead, and starts banging his head against the walls, eventually bleeding. He continues hitting himself violently.)

Morty, alarmed: NO! DON'T KILL YOURSELF!

(Survivor Morty turns to him. He is bleeding and sweating a lot.)

Survivor Morty, existential: Why? What reasons are there for me to live anyway?

(Morty thinks. He moves in the cage to get a bit closer to his counter-part.)

Morty: You should not destroy the dimensions because, even though you maybe don't have much to live for, we do. And when I say we, I am talking about everyone and everything living in every dimension... ever! (He stands up. The cage shakes.) If you activate the machine, you'll destroy everything except your world. Is-is that what you want? Going down as a destroyer? Or maybe do you prefer dying as a hero? I swear to anything you believe in, that me and my Rick' ll make sure you are known for being the one that could have ended everything, but didn't.

Survivor Morty, now in tears of happiness: I... I can see what you're trying to say. I have no choice but to let you out of that cage. I... was wrong all along, and I'm sorry for almost killing you, me and everybody else.

(He presses another button on a wall. The cage is deviated, then put down unto the floor. Its door opens, freeing Morty, who then runs to hug Survivor Morty. They embrace like that for a few seconds, but then footsteps are heard next to the lab. A laser gun shot is heard, and Survivor Morty falls on the floor, shrieking in pain, revealing Rick as the intruder, behind him.)

Rick, already running: Common, Morty! Grab the dimension machine, and run. RUN, MORTY!

(Morty grabs the machine and runs, following Rick. Survivor Morty is heard, shrieking in pain as they exit the lab, which is revealed to be a room among others. Rick and Morty run in a hallway. They turn right, but an alert sounds.)

Morty, panicking: Oh my god, Rick! I... I **just** convinced him to not destroy all the other dimensions and not kill himself! I **didn't need** you right now! And... w-where are we going anyways?

Rick, turning down the hallways again: Just outside the base, Morty! You *burps* will have to press this blue button, on top of the machine! Just... *burps* do it, Morty! It will free the neo-plasmatic energy, and every... dude'll have his penis back!

Morty: Oh Jeez, oh okay... (He does it.)

(Now back on our Earth, in the restaurant. Everybody's waiting anxiously for Inspector McAndrew to return, but to no avail. Suddenly, a scream a joy is heard.)

Jerry, relieved: OH MY GOSH, I WANNA PEE! EVERYONE LET ME VERIFY SOMETHING.( _He unzips his pants lightly and puts a hand underneath his undies. A smile crawls on his face. Jerry turns to the people_.) My genitalia's back! ( _He runs to Beth, and kisses her with the tongue before whispering in her ear_.) I know what we could and should do tonight.

(Screams of celebration echoe in the entire restaurant. Couples and people run out of the restaurant while giggling; others go back to their table.)

Beth, not impressed: Jerry, I'd like to understand what's going on before we do anything. Plus, I don't wanna fuck. Maybe tomorrow. (She walks towards their table and sits. She sips her whine glass.) Jerry, did you think at all about what you were going to eat, during this whole thing? ( _Jerry comes to sit, facing her just like before. He sighs. Beth places her hand over his. She looks very concerned_.) What's wrong?

Jerry, lying and looking sad: Nothing... It's just that, I don't know, maybe your father has to do something with all of what just happened, **but** I just hope the rest of the night is going to be good.

Beth, sympathetic: I know it will. (She looks at the menu.) D'you mind if we separate oursleves a Ceasar salad as an appetizer?

Jerry, happy again: I sure don't.

(Suddenly, Andrew McAndrew teleports on their table, one foot stuck in Beth's wine glass. He takes off a laser gun and destroys it in one shot. He grabs Beth by the neck.)

Inspector Andrew McAndrew, angry as a bear mom that just witnessed the death of her cubs by a falling tree: YOUR FATHER, WHERE IS HE! I KNOW HE IS THE ONE BEHIND IT!

Jerry, defending his wife: You have no tangible proof! You're saying it like it's the truth, but you really have no idea and are trying to incriminate him, just because he got arrested before or something... My father-in-law is not a maniac that wants to steal cocks, he's just alcoholic and mean with people.

Beth: Jerry!

Jerry, to Beth: It's true. (He turns to McAndrew.) Seriously, we have no idea where he and my son might be and...

(Inspector McAndrew shuts him up by stuffing one of his gloves in Jerry's mouth. )

Inspector Andrew McAndrew, to Beth: Rick Sanchez still has to go to Jail, even if the Federation Days are over. We will put charges against him: for stealing, not following the orders of a person of authority and physically assaulting me. Now, please guide me to your home.

(Beth gulps. Jerry starts to choke on the glove as Inspector McAndrew points his blaster at them and makes them go out of the restaurant. As soon as they have left, we see a glimpse of the kitchen crew, either perplexed at the events, or working. Jack the waiter is there and he takes out his cell-phone.)

Jack, on the phone: Yeah, hello Tracy? You know, I think we might have exagerated on our portions of LSD.

(Rick and Morty are still running in the numerous hallways of the base. Morty slips on the ground and falls. Rick slows down and goes back for him.)

Rick: Morty, you dipshit! How many *burps* times have I told you to not slip on the floor?

Morty, standing back up: I don't know, I must've been busy slipping on the ground when you were saying that.

(Rick starst running again, and Morty folows.)

Morty, raising his index in the air: Hey, Rick, why don't we uh, just use your portal gun to get out of here? I mean, wouldn't that be easier?

Rick: Can't, he installed anti-portal protection all over the place!

(Rick jumps over a portion of the floor, and Morty imitates him. After they jump over it, it is revealed to be a trap, and a turret comes out of it. It starts shooting bullets at them. Rick and Morty dodge the bullets Matrix-style, just flexing and contortioning themselves. They adopt many weird positions and stances, before Rick throws a weird grenade at the turret. It explodes and releases electricity, disabling the turret. Suddenly, a voice is heard. Fast footsteps get closer to the grandpa-grandson duo. They begin running faster.)

Survivor Morty, really angry: I don't give a crap right now, and I will kill you both! I will murder you and make sure you suffer!

Rick, to Survivor Morty: Boy, isn't that a bit far-fetched?

Survivor Morty: That's a bit ironic, considering you're the one that came back in the life of a family you abandonned years ago, only to put every of its members in always possible danger.

Rick, running while showing a middle finger: (Fuck; censored) you! I'm not **your** Rick, asshole! You know, your reply uses the same logic as someone that wants homeless people to live better, but wouldn't give out even one single cent to them! You... *burps* are a hypocrite!

(Rick narrowly dodges a swinging metal blade that emerged from the wall. Morty jumps over it, but the blade hits him in the stomach. He falls over, moves to escape the blade's trajectory and starts wincing in pain. Rick hears him, and goes back to give Morty his help. He lifts him up and carries him over his shoulders.)

Morty, in pain: Ow! Ouch! Oooo! Ayy! Rick... I'm in *screams* pain! Eeeee!

Rick, jumping over a herse of lasers: Geez, thanks for mentionning. I wouldn't have noticed otherwise.

(Finally, they turn left, having reached the end of the hallway. A light appears in the distance. Rick turns his head towards Morty. He grabs his right foot.)

Rick: Come one, Morty! Don't you dare die on me! We're almost *burps* almost, uh, out. It's gonna be all good and all over soon!

(Unexpectedly, a secret passage in the wall is discovered, and a reptile comes out of it. It looks like a raptor, and comes to attack Rick. Luckily, he shoots it with the blaster he took with him. Rick keeps on running.)

Rick, to himself, and perplexed: I don't get it... Where is this bearded bitch?

(He bumps into something and falls on his butt, Morty falling from his shoulder. The obstacle he bumped in is revealed to be Survivor Morty.)

Survivor Morty: He's here, you blue-haired bitch!

(Survivor Morty punches Rick in the face as strong as he can. Rick is now on his back, unconscious. Morty sees it all happen and grabs the blaster. He shoots his counterpart in the leg without hesitating. Survivor Morty falls over in pain. Morty slaps Rick to make him regain his consciousness. This all happens withouy words being spoken. He helps the scientist stand again, and together they exit the base, being only a few feet away from the exit. As soon as they're inside, the ptero-daryl appears to fly towards them, but Rick creates a portal back to their dimension. They enter it.)

(Rick and Morty are teleported back to the house quickly. One problem awaits them, however: Inspector McAndrew is holding Beth and Jerry at gunpoint, in the garage. Rick and Morty enter the room, and they see that. Rick holds Morty back. We can see both of them are visibly injured. McAndrew walks away from the couple, and points his blaster at Rick.)

Inspector Andrew McAndrew: Well,well,well...

Rick, making a pun: Water.

Inspector Andrew McAndrew, confused: What?

Rick: Nothing. Please go on with your *burps* plans of threatening me and my *burps* family.

Inspector Andrew McAndrew: Alright. You know you have broken the law when I came to take you with me. You also know you should be judged and go to prison for these small crimes agaisnt me and the Interdimensional Organ Disappearance Police, but I'll give you a choice, yeah? Here it is: either give yourself in, or either don't, and let me kill your daughter and her husband.

Rick: I'm gonna tell you sincerely, inspector *burps*, neither of these choices satisfy me. They're both bullshit and suck ass. Could you please give me, um, **us** another option?

Inspector Andrew McAndrew: Nope.

(Inspector McAndrew is seen to put his gun in ''kill mode''. He point it at Rick, who gulps at it, but does not show fear. Out of nowhere, Morty comes behind the inspector and knocks him out with Marco. The Inspector's gun falls on the floor.)

Marco, angry: Morty Smith, it'd be better if you didn't use me to knock people up, dawg!

Morty: Sorry, Marco. (He takes Rick's portal gun, creates one and puts McAndrew inside it.) The portal closes.) But I had to take care of it, no... no matter what. (He turns to Rick.) We saved the Multiverse, finally!

(Rick and Morty share an emotion-filled hug, under the awkward eyes of Beth and Jerry.)

Jerry: Uh... could anyone tell us what actually happened today? I'd feel good if I knew it.

Morty, to Jerry: Dad, Mom, please just join our hug, okay?

(They do what Morty said. The doorbell rings, and Summer enters. She calls for them, and Morty yells for her in the garage. She comes in.)

Summer, weirded out by the hug: Um, did I miss out on something?

Rick: No, Summer, you didn't. Join our hug, and don't even trip, dawg!

(Summer walks to them and becomes a part of the hug. The camera zooms off the family, and out of the home, then the screen fades to black. )

 **END CREDITS**

Post- credits scene

(McAndrew lands on the devastated Earth of Survivor Morty, just right outside the base. He looks around him, really frightened, as he never went to this dimension before. He stands up, and looks around him. Suddenly, he hears footsteps. He turns around and sees Survivor Morty, with a wounded leg.)

Inspector Andrew McAndrew, scared: Who... who are you?

(Survivor Morty goes to him, and looks at him in a very creepy way, looking angry and crazy.)

Survivor Morty: I'll be your new friend... Whether you like it or not.

(Pitch black.)

 **Author's notice: Sorry for not uploading Ep. 23 of Total Drama Charge yet. I was very busy with this story, but now I will try my best to publish the following chapter as soon as possible. I hope you liked this story, whether you are a Rick and Morty fan or not, and wish you every nice thing. Until next time!**


	2. Rick and Squanchy

**Rick and Morty Stories: Rick and Squanchy**

 **Hey everyone! I know it has been a while, but this is another Rick and Morty Stories episode. On a side note, I had enough time to complete Total Drama Charge, so yay! I will probably work on some other ideas after posting this: most likely other Rick and Morty stories, an American Dad! And Total Drama crossover that has been in my mind for long, a The Walking Dead sitcom parody, and the TDC special as well as Total Drama Oceans. I hope you will enjoy this story and my future works as well.**

 **Notes: This episode takes place in a continuity where Jerry and Beth's divorce happened, unlike the last one. The words typed in bold are just words said louder. There might be offensive humor up ahead. Please be warned!**

 **Also, thanks to whoever told me script entries weren't allowed! I don't think I'll delete The good and The Rick-less though, but this episode will be written in the acceptable way. Now, it's story time!**

 **(Intro scene, or Scene 1)**

The episode opened with Rick knocking heavily on Morty's bedroom door. Heavy coughing could be heard behind it, and Rick looked preoccupied by what was happening. He had his portal gun in his left hand, and kept hitting the door with his right.

''Come on, Morty, don't be such a wuss!'' He yelled, sort of angrily, albeit the sound of his voice betrayed him and clearly proved he hoped nothing bad was happening to Morty. He hit the door with his feet, and after silence was all that could be heard for a couple of seconds, he tried breaking in the room, but his attempt was foiled. The bedroom was now protected by a virtual security device. Looking carefully, we could see Rick gulp under the red light that the door's mini sentry-gun projected unto his forehead. Finally, Morty answered his grandfather.

''-I already told you: I am **not** coming with you to Dimension 46-D! I-I-I don't care if you need toxic purple swamp parsley for one of your experiments. My decision is **final** , and you'll have to do this one alone!

-Aww, are you really bummed that much because of this alien fever thing? We both know it will pass, and besides, I can just build something and, uh... cure you or whatever.

-No! I have strong cramps, and I... I feel like a girl on her periods, except I also feel like I'm getting chewed on and eaten by a bear, a lion and a shark at once. I'm not a sado... sado-masochist, man! Ah, it hurts! It **hurts** so much! No-nothing is going to cure that, alright?

-Well, you believe that, but if you want me to try and use any of my science shit to help, I very well could do some kind of miracles.

-RICK! FOR THE LAST TIME, I SWEAR TO SNUFFLES... I WILL STAY IN BED ALL DAY, AND THERE'S NO WAY YOU'LL GET ME OUT!''

Morty's words were screamed as loudly as possible, and were very emotional. Rick put his fingers in his ears and cringed in pain. He sighed and started to walk away. Before going to the garage, he let out some last words for his grandson.

''-Oh, and in case you didn't know, um, your crush... What's her name again?

-Jessica? I'm not falling for that, Rick. I swear you're being a total dick right now.

-Dick? Nah, you gotta switch the D to an R in order to be right. Anywho, guess I'm off on an adventure with Jessica, alone. She'll be **bummed** that you didn't come, Morty. Yup. Your life totally **sucks** right now.'' He declared as he walked off and down the stairs. Morty screamed in confusion, agony and sadness all at once.

Rick went to the kitchen and kissed Beth goodbye, and then got into his spaceship, where Jessica was effectively waiting for him in the passenger's seat. Rick put his seatbelt on and started the ship, all while drinking from his flask and not looking at the teenage girl. When they lift off, she had to ask him a question.

''-So...'' she started, uncomfortable, ''where are we going, Mister Sanchez?

-Puh-lease, call me Rick. Mister Sanchez was my overweight albino hamster's name. (He sinks into nostalgia and looks out the window.) Ah... how good our times together were! I know I electrocuted you two weeks after I got you as a gift, but you were a fun little fellow.''

Flashback into Rick's childhood. We see him play with Mister Sanchez, laughing and running. He feeds his pet, plays with him, pushes him down a toy slide, and then makes him run in a hamster wheel. Alas, it was connected to a home-built electric circuit, and Mister Sanchez gets electrocuted. Kid Rick cries. Back in present time, adult Rick cries too.

''-Uh, is there anything wrong?

-No, Jessica,'' he replied sarcastically, '' everything is a-okay.

-Good, now I...

-OF *burps* COURSE EVERYTHING'S BAD, BITCH-SICA! I (censored:fucking)DEEP-FRIED MY HAMSTER LIKE THEY PROBABLY DO IN SUSPICOUS CHINESE RESTAURANTS! AAAAARRGH!''

He put his hands on his head and ripped off huge chunks of hair, sobbing and yelling uncontrollably. He took a big gulp of his flask in and burps loudly before calming himself down. Rick then turned to Jessica, his eyes still red from sadness. Jessica looked creeped-out and tried to move a bit towards the door.

''-If you **must** know the truth, Jessica, I... I need some parsley.

-Parsley?'' She asked, more relaxed already. '' That doesn't seem too hard.

-Then how about: poisonous, purple parsley that can **only** be found in the most isolated toxic swamps of one extremely far planet?'' He demanded, amused.

''-Well, never mind what I said.

-Yeah, welcome to the club, pal!''

 **(Theme song plays)**

 **(Scene 2)**

Rick was now eating supper with Beth. He took a big shot from his flask. It seems Summer was somewhere else, as she didn't appear with them, nor had appeared earlier in the episode. They ate seafood pasta with garlic bread on the side, and Rick seemed delighted by what had been made. He slurped some pastas and looked at Beth with a big smile.

''-You know, sweetie, you've been getting better at cooking lately! How do you explain that?

-Well,'' she started while eating a piece of garlic bread, ''it might be because Jerry's not here anymore.

-Oh, you... you mean the **divorce**?

-Dad, I would rather not have you talk about it like it's just a subject among others, ''Beth told her father '' Let's discuss something else, alright? Please.

-Well, I would gladly change subjects,'' he said before saying some harsher words'' but riddle me this: in **what** way does you-know-what affect your home cooking? I don't think I see any kind of correlation here, honey.

-I guess it's because I've had more time for myself. Does that sound good enough to you?

-Definitely.''

Beth took a big gulp of wine and looked at her portion of pasta, lost in her thoughts. She lifted her head and smiled at Rick, altough unconvincingly.

''-So,uh... the house feels kind of empty now, am I right?

-Yeah. With just the two of us, it does. Makes you think it'd be fun if ghosts existed.'' He stopped to think. ''Wait a minute! Yep, they definitely do. They're just poor travelers that got stuck into many dimensions at once and are virtually present at many different places throughout the universe!

-Really? I thought the definition of a ghost was more like ''scientist father that doesn't spend much time or effort on his only child, and lets her grow and learn with only a little help from her depressed mother, then comes back in her life much… much later only to basically use her son as a **slave** for wacky space adventures. Does that sound like something to you,'' she asked while frowning lightly at Rick.

He paused.

''-Yeah. Yeah, it... really *burps*- sorry- does. L-listen Beth, I know I wasn't nearly as present in your life as I **should have** been when you were younger, but I want to be here for you now. If I ever die sooner than what I have calculated, one of my biggest regrets would be to let my daughter live with the feeling she never really knew who the **dad** in her dad was, but only who the drunk, asshole scientist in her dad was. I am here for you now, but that alone just won't cut it. I think you should...'' He scratched the back of his head. ''meet someone new. Romantically. Yeah. I think you should go on a date!

-Wait, what? A date? With... with who? I don't have **anyon** e in my life now, dad!

-Well, that's exactly what dating's for! M *burps* meet someone new. Talk to them! (Censored:Fuck) them! Marry them! I don't care what they do or who they are; but please do me a favor and go on Schindler or something!''

Beth looked amused and touched by her dad's words, both the ones before and these ones, because they showed he could really be a touched person when he set his mind do it. She smiled and nodded, before she stood up from her chair, walked to the living-room and put a laptop on her legs. She opened it and went on Moogle. We saw her type ''Schindler'' and she found the dating site Rick was talking about.

''-Hey dad, don't you think this site's a bit... heavy?

-Heavy? Why? Depends on what you mean, 'he told her.

''-I mean, it literally says here: ''Schindler, the perfect dating site! Find millions of singles, make a list of your favorites and **save** them with your love. Remember that you don't need concentration in order to find your perfect match.'' I'm picking up dark humor vibes here.

-Well, honey, genocide puns aren't that bad. I mean, I would literally prefer reading a children's book about the adventures of Hitler's mustache than have to work for garbage companies like *burps* BuzzFeed. It-it's just a bit edgy is all. But trust me, it works!''

Beth smiled and asked her dad a question: ''-What, did you get a date on there?

-Nope. Just found an alien who was down to give me a foldable, flying andelectronic space Jacuzzi. In return, I only had to play with his antlers a bit, so, you know... Schindler **worked**.''

 **(Scene 3)**

Rick was now alone, sitting on the main couch of the Smiths' living room. He appeared to be watching inter-dimensional television, as the sound of rain came in from outside. Laying with his legs spread open, he chugged from his flask while a funny publicity played on the tv. It was announcing a new kind of regime, and had two purple, humanoid aliens talking together. One was chubby and small, and the other was thin and tall.

''-Oh! Hey there, 'the thin one said to the spectators, ''I hope you're looking for a new and innovative way to lose all of your bad belly fat. As I was telling my friend Matthew here, we've got a new special product for you!

-Oh boy, here we go, 'Rick muttered to himself.

''-At Uguhujukulumunubuvucuxuzusa enterprises, we have only one thing in mind: money! J-just kidding, we actually always think of our clients and new ways to make people from all planets and all dimensions happy! Now, we are introducing the most fantastic and superb fat-loss machine- the Schwerberler-mer-nerterner-bu-bulops, ladies and gentlemen!''

Rick looked annoyed by the stupidity of this ad. He smirked angrily but continued watching anyways. Now, the chubby alien was getting its fat eaten by the robotic machine, and he yelled in pain. The tall one looked over in amazement, joy, and pride. Suddenly, the machine stopped cutting the fat with its razor teeth and spat out what looked like skin. It then proceeded to apply the skin over Matthew the alien, gave him medicine and sewed him all up, before bringing him back on his feet. The result was impressive: no more body fat on Matthew!

''Oh my kiss! Did you see that? The Schwerberler-mer-nerterner-bu-bulops ate all of my overweight friend's fat and transformed it into new skin! AMAZING! Of course, it hurts a bit, but if you call the number at the bottom of the screen, we'll give you a Tetetetetetekuku kit to calm the pain a little. Plus, we'll even ship a dildo on the side; isn't that just beautiful, ladies and gentlemen? Wow!''

It was at this moment that Rick either decided that he had seen enough, or that he was bored. That's when the stationary phone ringed and the scientist let it ring until a message was left.

''Dad? It's Beth, and I was calling to let you know I'm fine. My date isn't who I thought he was and I know him from before, but... he's a pretty fun guy. I'll call you later.''

Rick smiled and relaxed a little, but then huge knocking sounds came from the entrance door. Rick took his portal gun and a small knife out and walked towards it.

 **(Scene 4)**

The scientist opened the door, and seemed very confused and glad about what hid behind it. He stepped to the side, and closed the door, letting a cloaked silhouette inside. The person was small, and its clothes were wet from the rain. Rick and the stranger gave each other a hug, before it was revealed that it was Squanchy who just came in.

The smart man went to take out a bottle of whisky and two glasses, offering one to his old friend. Squanchy looked a bit rough: his fur was spiky and muddy, and his eyes were somewhat bloody, twitching as he looked upon Rick. The alien took the glass of alcohol that had been offered to him, and he drank it in one shot, before putting it down and sitting on the couch. He coughed, and Rick looked at him, very emotional.

''-Rick... I don't know where to start. A couple of things happened since we last saw each other, and times have been rough for both me and you.

-Keep talking, I'm just gonna make sure you are *burps* n't some kind of infiltration robot that someone sent to track and kill me.''

Rick took a gadget out of his pants, and proceeded to scan Squanchy, while the latter pursued his explanations.

''-After **The Wedding,** -and we both know what happened there- I succesfully escaped the Galactic Federation and left my home planet in order to hide from them. Many times, I quit a planet and went to squanch on another one, and many times the bad guys almost caught me, so you could say I got lucky! I had to squanch a couple of soldiers and assassins that were sent after me along the way, but here I am, squanching on Earth, Rick!

-Wait, '' Rick said, thinking, '' you said the Federation sent people after you?

-Yeah! These mothersquanchers wanted everybody present at the wedding to be dead. And, since I'm one of your closest friends, and you were already an enemy of the Federation before, they really wanted to squanch me!

-Uh-huh... Guess that makes sense. And hey, at least you didn't get captured like I did. I-I mean, it was on purpose, but *burps* still! Also, you should know I am really glad that you're still alive.

-You actually believed that?'' Squanchy asked, '' That I wouldn't escape? I can turn into a giant monster, **and** I needed to see you again. There's no way in Squanch I would've died before coming here.''

They paused, and Rick shook his friend's hand.

''-Hey, uh... How did you know I was still alive, and had escaped '' Rick asked.

-Well, Rick, usually, when a man destroys both a citadel full of alternate versions of himself and the Federation's most important base in one event, the news spread over the galaxy -as quickly as fire spreads to bad paper, y'know? As you say, that's the wayyy the news squanch!''

The two friends looked at themselves and laughed a little. Rick put a hand on Squanchy's shoulder and pat it. The scientist smiled and thought of an idea that would perhaps bring him and the alien closer together again, just like the good old days.

''-Hey Squanchy, uh... why don't you go and get some *burps* sleep? I'll stay up and make sure nothing dangerous comes in, ''he declared. 'Just in case there are people looking for your ass! Also, feel free to do what you want in here, cause me casa es tu casa! And tomorrow *burps* morning, I'll have an adventured prepared or the both of us, mother (censored: fucker)!

-Thanks, Sanchez. You're a real squanch! I like how you seem to always have a solution for everything and that nothing in life gets you down that much. '' He paused. ''I mean, you do have a small alcohol problem, but it looks to me like you can squanch everything that's in your way.''

Rick forced himself to give out a positive answer to Squanchy: '' Yup, you're totally right about that, buddy. ''

 **(Scene 5)**

We were now in a big restaurant, full of lights and sounds, with a lounge ambiance. It was bursting with activity; the streets outside of it seemed fairly dead in comparison, as if everybody had rushed inside the place in order to eat, while simultaneously letting the entire city around it to stop its course in time, frozen. The camera zoomed in on a specific table, where Beth and her date were having dinner, as well as a nice conversation. Mr. Goldenfold and Beth didn't seem like they would naturally belong together, but they did prove otherwise. Morty's math teacher told a joke, and she chuckled at it. That's when a waiter arrived.

''-Hello sir, hello madam, my name is Jack. May I offer you anything to drink? If I may suggest, tonight's homebrewed beer is a real classic.

-Ooooh, I'll have as big a glass as you're allowed to give me, ''Goldenfold said, and, more aggressively'' and you better make the service quick!''

Beth glared at her date, and Jack the waiter looked both fearful and greatly indifferent.

''-Ha-ha, just kidding!

-I... understood that, sir'' Jack told the man. '' Madam, would you like this as well?

-Uh, yeah... Actually,'' she said while looking at the drink menu ''I'll have a martini, please.

-1 beer and 1 martini, coming right up!''

Jack was about to leave, but Beth grabbed his shoulder lightly. She seemed curious, and wanted to know something: ''-Did we meet before?

-Yes madam. If I do remember well enough, you were at another restaurant I worked at the night every guy lost his dick for an hour or so. Weren't you having dinner with your ex?

-I'd rather not talk about it. Please, just come later with the plates we'll have ordered, alright?''

Jack walked away without saying a word, and Mr. Goldenfold grabbed Beth's hands. She seemed nervous, while he was more of an excited and courageous type. He cleared his throat, stood up; she drank water, sat still. Then he sang. A sexy, low voice with all the right nuances and vibrations.

(Note: Song can be sang like you want to. I wrote it in a scripted style because it felt better and flows better.)

 _Mr. Goldenfold: I know this is early but..._

Beth, worried and awkward: Oh god.

 _Mr. Goldenfold: Will you come home with me?_

 _Visiting is a must, since time is never steady._

Beth, warming up, hands to her chest: You are a poet? Wow.

 _Mr. Goldenfold: The flame of our hearts could burn behind the curtains_

 _Without ever setting them on fire_

 _And it wouldn't wake mister neighbor_

 _If we ever did some noise and (fucked) with our brains_

 _Beth, singing: I like how you're soft and nasty!_

 _Mr. Goldenfold: I know, and I waaaaannnnt yooooouuuu!_

When the ''performance'' was over, Beth went to hug her new love interest, and the whole restaurant applauded him. At this point, somebody started laughing and pointing at Mr. Goldenfold: a lot of people followed the initiative and did the same. He got angry and started insulting some people.

''-YEAH, WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY SINGING, HUH, YOU LITTLE DICKSKIN-FACED PIECES OF A ROTTING MESS? YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT QUADRATIC FORMULAS, AM I RIGHT? AX4- BX9 + 10= 1! RING ANY BELLS, YOU NOTRE-DAME DOOFUSES?

-Goldenfold, your pants are unzipped. Also, this formula was wrong, '' Beth corrected him.

The math teacher looked down at his shoes, clearly sad of himself. ''Aww, man!''

The screen faded to black, and then we saw the duo leaving the restaurant. Right after, we got a glimpse of Beth and her new love kissing in a hotel room.

 **(Scene 6)**

It was time to wake up for Rick and Squanchy! The scientist had slept in the living room. He stopped his alarm clock and went in the garage in order to wake his friend. Squanchy had slept on an inflatable bed, and he looked like he had gotten a fairly good amount of sleep as Rick shook him lightly. The alien smiled.

''-Good morning, Rick.

-Good morning, bro *burps* ther! I take it you slept well?

-Indeed I did! The room was just cold enough for me to be comfortable in here. You know, my fur is good for balancing temperature,'' he said, using his tongue to clean himself like cats do, ''but I can't squanch when it's too hot around, right?

-Ahahaha, yeah buddy, I gotcha, aha!''

Rick took a couple of robots and machines out of boxes left in the garage, and then the two friends went to have breakfast in the kitchen. Rick plugged everything in, and now breakfast would be prepared fairly soon: the machines were programmed to use the ingredients present in the room, taking them to prepare an optimized, balanced and delicious meal.

''-Hey, Squanchy, watch this shit!'' He turned to the electronics and said: ''All of you, could you please team up and make us the best *burps* breakfast possible, using only things present in the kitchen?

-Yes, master Rick,''answered one of the robot workers in a monotone voixe. ''-Breakfast for two, coming right up!

-The purple paint on the white wall is now dry, you son of a squanch!'' The scientist laughed and slapped his friend's shoulder. ''- I'm just trying to use new catchphrases here, you know?

-Yeah, this is all pretty good, Rick! Uh, I just wanted to say... thanks again for taking me in,'' Squanchy said.

''-Don't mention it. Oh, change of subject, but... do you know if he's really...'' He paused. ''Dead? B...Birdperson, I mean.

There was a long pause from Squanchy. He finally answered, but didn't seem to have an actual idea of the true response to this question. He scratched his head, and growled.

''Honestly, Rick, I...'', Squanchy started, unsure of how to say it, ''I have no idea. He could be squanching six feet under as I suppose he is, but, hey! Nothing's written in the sky.

-Urgh. Alright, let's just cancel this breakfast idea and go into space, baby! We're gonna eat at a space diner, and go on an adventure right after!''

As Rick changed his mind and ran to get his spaceship out of the garage, Squanchy followed him enthusiastically; the cooking robots all looked at themselves in disappointment, clearly annoyed by the new situation. One of them went to take a blender out: it plugged it and jumped inside.

''Our life is a lie!'' It yelled, getting shredded to pieces by the metal blades.

 **(Scene 7)**

A huge ship flew in space, projecting shadows on a nearby planet, and its reactors vrooming with power and speed. On the sides of the spaceship, the Galactic Federation Logo could be seen, in a bright red paint, menacing and seemingly incrusted into the ship's metal. The vehicle's windows were tainted some green, some blue, and behind them stood soldiers and other military people of various ranks and grades. Most of them were Gromflomites, but there were a couple robots here and there, as well as a couple of different alien species. Among the crowd stood the one of her kind of the ship's crew: the only human woman on board. Tammy walked slowly, saluting her work partners while going towards a heavily guarded room, where a couple of Gromflomites stood, blasters in hands and ready to attack intruders. The room behind them was big and painted in shiny white; its doors only contrasted, thanks to their dark grey color. The fly-looking aliens looked in Tammy's direction, some alerted, some recognising her. One of the guards waved his hand at her. He dropped his gun on the floor and went directly to her. Tammy seemed glad to see him, and greeted him with a smile.

''-Orgy! How's it going, you doofus soldier?

-Tammy, I already told you a dozen times... That's not how you pronounce my name! It's supposed to sound like this: ''Laserfart''.

-Oh really,'' she said, taking out a card from her pocket, ''I have your ID here, and your name is clearly written O-R-G-Y. Any comments?

-Well, yes. First of all, thanks for finding me my ID. Boy am I glad there are people to help me with my short memory,'' he exclaimed happily.''Er, I mean, thanks for always finding the stuff I forget. And also, boy do I hate my parents for the name they gave me. Oh, also, I know you weren't supposed to be in that meeting, '' he pointed the huge cubic room behind them, ''but General Blurm really wants to talk to you. Go in, right? Maybe he's got something important to tell ya.

-Thanks, Laserfart.'' She said as the soldier entered the room's password and the doors slid open behind her before being closed tight again.

General Blurm sat on a chair, at the end of a long rectangular table, and he was looking out from the room's huge window, his fly-like wings stretched out. He spun around to greet Tammy, and seemed like a fairly calm, but calculated being.

''-Well well well, if this isn't our best human female agent! And probably our only! Ahaha… Tammy, please, do take a seat. I invited you to come, for we have to discuss serious measures to a serious situation. '' He paused and played with his tie. ''So, I won't ask you if you recall Rick Sanchez, because I know for sure that you do.

-Rick? What does he have to do with anything?

-Well, it seems to us that he has entered planet Zgrolbum, which is currently under Galactic Federation control. He is accompanied by a small furry alien, and they are having a shmurpsees at _Shmurpsees family restaurant_. Some of our secret cameras have succeeded into following them, and now, by spying on them, we know precisely what they'll do next.

-Why would they eat a shmurpsees at Shmurpsees? This shit's the worst in the galaxy!

-Well, I… wouldn't disagree with you, but for now, don't you want to ask me what they'll do next, nor what plan we put in place in order to capture these criminals?

-No,'' continued Tammy, who was now having an anti-Shmurpsees rant, ''these poor, dirty, soulless bastards can only eat food at the (censored: fucking) worst place! What the (fuck), man? Why the (fuck) don't you (fucking) go eat actual (fucking) food instead of (fucking) shitting on your entire (fucking) body? (Fucking) Shmurpsees makes me puke!''

General Blurm was now having none of her crap. He stood up, opened a gigantic mouth full of pointy teeth, and slammed his fists on the table, effectively fracturing it into a million tiny pieces. He yelled, furious. ''Tammy, you goddamn daughter of a bitch! Listen to me now, ok? LISTEN!'' He calmed down.

''-Look, you are going to lead a mission. We will have you onboard of a ship, with two pilots, two semi-sentry gunners, a bunch of soldiers, and a medic. You will have to go on Zgrolbum, and intercept Rick Sanchez and his monkey friend. Bring them to me- I want them in this very ship. For all the trouble they have caused us, the only thing they deserve is torture and humiliation. I will crush them into oblivion, but only psychologically, of course.'' He laughed evilly, and then turned at Tammy. ''-Did you get any of that?

-I did. I sure did, my general,'' she answered while looking at her feet.

''Good! Let the fun begin…''

Blurm's evil smile got reflected throughout the room, and his deep, monstrous laugh echoed among all of the ship's walls.

( **Commercial break)**

 **(Scene 8)**

While Rick and Squanchy were enjoying their meal at Shmurpsees, a small military ship landed close to the restaurant, on planet Zgrolbum's surface, and behind a small hill. Aboard the ship were exactly what General Blurm wanted: two pilots, two gunners, Tammy, a medic, and a couple of ordinary soldiers. Tammy walked out the ship, walking in the middle of the soldier formation that would await her orders. By her side, the medic, who injected her with a strength serum, saying: ''that could hurt a little, and I'm sorry if it does, Miss Tammy. It should make your entire body stronger and bulkier. I know you'll be able to lead us even better than usual if your intelligent mind is combined with a superior body. By the way, remember that we have our secret machine waiting on board. You know what to do with him.''

Tammy nodded and commanded her troops. Most of them would have to wait outside, their backs to the wall, while a few would be able to come inside with her. Tammy and a couple of soldiers costumed themselves as to not be recognised, and then entered the place.

Inside, a lot of alien families were having a blast. There were some kids running around, babies crying in their seats, a bunch of buff guys that looked like rocks and were getting drunk together. Waiters and waitresses circulated everywhere, and we could see there also was activity over at the other floors of the place: like all of the others of its kind, this Shmurpsees was huge. Tammy and her group showed Galactic Federation Badges to the people working and began searching the restaurant for Rick and Squanchy.

Some of them went in the bathrooms and kicked open toilet stalls doors, while some scanned people to see if they weren't the two criminals in disguise, and others jumped over tables and the service counter. A small team went upstairs to check the rest of the restaurant. After a while, two silhouettes escaped the restaurant, running as fast as they could and jumping out the second floor's window. Rick and Squanchy fell down, but the scientist took a remote out of his pockets and pressed a button, commanding his ship to come to them and stop their fall. They took off quickly.

Inside the restaurant, however, things were heating up! Lasers and bullets were being shot from everywhere, the buff rock-alien dudes were now fighting and actually straight-up murdering some Federation soldiers, and Tammy defended herself from people who had understood that she was the squad's leader. The medic came to her, completely panicked.

''-Tammy! OH MY PLUMBUS, YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!

-WHAT? **YOU** ARE THE **MEDIC**!

-WELL, SEE, THE THING IS, I'M ACTUALLY JUST AN INTERN IN TRAINING!''

He ducked as Tammy swung her fists around and knocked out two aliens by slapping them.

''-YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE A STRENGTH SERUM BUT NOT HOW TO SAVE OUR PEOPLE?

-I DIDN'T MAKE THIS SERUM, DAMNIT! SOMEBODY TOLD ME HOW TO ADMINISTRATE IT... I JUST HAD TO LITERALLY JAM IT INTO YOUR ARM! ANY DOOFUS CAN DO THAT! OH AND BY THE WAY, YOU ARE A BIG, MEAN OLD DAUGHTER OF A…''

The medic intern got shot right through his head and fell to the ground. Tammy looked at it in disgust, superiority and amusement. ''Whatever you were going to call me, is better than being (fucking) dead like you, pal'', she said, smiling. She then took out some kind of walkie-talkie and ordered all surviving troops to escape the Shmurpsees, and join her on the restaurant's roof. Afterwards, she proceeded to give a call to the people that were still aboard the ship, and demanded that they come pick her and the soldiers up. The surviving Galactic Federation members obeyed, and they all embarked on their ship again, flying behind Rick's ship and shooting at it.

Meanwhile, Rick was trying his best to fly his vehicle while being tracked and shot at. He grinned and grumbled, swearing silently as Squanchy turned to him: ''-Rick! It's the Federation!

-Well duh! Who the hell could it be, if it wasn't them?'' He punched a big button and a turret materialised on the small ship's roof. A small trapped opened under it. The whole turret thing was designed so it would stay attached to the rest of the flying vehicle, but someone could sit inside of it, stay alone and shoot at stuff, all while being separated from the main part of the vehicle. ''-I-*burps* I need you to get in this stupid turret, and shoot at those (fuckers), Squanchy!

-Rick, I…?

-Don't ask questions, just **do it!''** He ordered aggressively. Needless to say, Squanchy got in the turret cabin and started firing at the enemy as best as he could.

 **(Scene 9)**

Meanwhile, Beth and Mr. Goldenfold were still lying in bed, smoking under the drapes as they laid side by side. Beth's head rested comfortably against her lover's shoulder. They looked at each other tenderly, and she asked: ''-So, would you want to take this back to my place? Uh, I mean, d-do you…? ''She scratched her hair nervously ''Wanna come to my place and continue this, or just let us sleep together, and you know, wake up in my bed, next to me, and get to eat some good old, freshly baked croissants and pancakes?

-Of course,'' he answered quickly. ''-Would you like to leave and go to your place now?

-Well, if you don't mind, yeah!

-Then that's what we'll do, babe: we leave.''

They stood up, stole some hotel clothes and put them on, leaving their naked backs and butts to face the camera. They looked at their bodies and giggled together before getting dressed. Goldenfold put all of their previous clothes and put them into a giant school binder, and then followed Beth out of the room. She waited for him in an elevator, chuckling as he came running to her: the doors closed right after he entered the lift. He dropped the bag and pushed her to the elevator's side wall, grabbing her hand while kissing her gently. She observed him.

''-We could have done it in the elevator too, you know? Don't know why we didn't try.

-Hey, there's always next time.'' He bent over in order to whisper in her ears: ''I know 1+1 is 2, but I plus you is something else, '' he motioned with his fingers, ''and although that's not what I teach at school, I think we got chemistry.''

She laughed. ''2 puns in a sentence? That's well thought and well calculated!''

An awkward silence followed her pun-compliment, and the new couple stood in the elevator without saying anything. Then, the math teacher spoke:

''-You'd be right to say that this is early, but… I think I might have feelings for you.

-Aw, Mr. Goldenfold, that's cute, but…

-I think I'd like to stay at your place for just a couple of days, and I guess we'll see how it goes?'' He paused and looked at his feet. ''Seriously, I know this is weird, and I never imagined saying this to the mother of one of my students.'' He cleared his throat. ''You are probably the best person I've ever met.

-Yeah, that's nice and all, it's just, ''she tried to interrupt him.

''-Promise me you'll give **us** a chance.

-Goldenfold, for (fuck) sake, this old dog lady wants to get in the elevator!

-Oh, ''he muttered.

The camera panned to the side, revealing a very small, white-haired, wrinkled lady and her 3 enormous husky dogs, plus a tiny Chihuahua. She coughed loudly and waited for Beth and Mr. Goldenfold to exit the lift before getting her and her doggos in. As the doors closed, she yelled: ''Interracial couples these days have no respect for old women like me, and my opinion is based and scientifically backed. Humpf!''

They hugged and laughed warmly together.

''You know, ''Beth said, ''I really wonder what my dad's doing right now…''

 **(Scene 10)**

As Rick changed gears and let his ship go even faster than before, his friend was having trouble correctly attacking and damaging the pursuers. A mic and a speaker phone came out from the turret's floor by his side, and Rick started talking to him.

''-Al-alr *burps* right, Squanchy, I'm going to pass you my portal gun. I have amplified its power, so it should get us rid of the F *burps* Federation, he yelled nervously.

-But… How?

-You see that really small hole in your cockpit's glass? Place the portal gun there, turn the wheel so the… red section shows any dimension's name.'' He took a breath after the first part of his explanations. '' Then, j-just point the gun at the ship, and it should *burps* squanch them to another dimension. Got it?

-Hell yeah, Rick!''

Squanchy did as instructed, and projected a portal on the Galactic Federation's ship. It stayed in place a little, its crew getting more afraid and stressed by each passing second; Rick grinned and laughed evilly, but soon his ship announced that they were receiving transmission from the enemy vessel. Rick took a mic and accepted to communicate with his enemies: ''-Yes hello, this is Rick Grimes!'' He slapped his forehead. ''Uh, Rick Sanchez, I *burps* mean. I don't know why I said that, but uh, you got something you wanna tell us, you stupid army flies?

-Wow, Rick, that pun was very low, even for a man like you. It's Tammy, bitch! Here in the Galactic Federation, we studied some of your inventions very carefully: so carefully that we're using our knowledge of portal guns against you, **dumbass!''** She paused and laughed, getting her mic back after a couple of seconds. '' -I bet you say you're the smartest man in the whole Multiverse, but did you seriously not think we could just equip the ship with anti-portal gun devices? How did you not **see** that one coming?

\- (Fuck!) (Fuck) off, Tammy! Squanchy, I think we're... We might be…

-Whatch'a trying to say, Rick? Is it (fucked)?

-No, we're squanched! Totally squanched!'' He yelled in rage as the enemy ship used advance technology to attract his ship and make them jump into the lion's den.

As Rick's ship entered the enemy ship, he and Squanchy looked at their surroundings: the ship seemed infinitely larger inside than outside, and even though only a small portion of it was actually made to transport or host the Galactic Federation's military, the rest contained lots of cryogenic reservoirs for who knows what deadly creatures. Laser turrets and electrical fences were everywhere inside, and there certainly was more than just a couple of traps hidden in the monster's belly's walls and floor. Soldiers came to our heroes and circled them, guns pointed at them and ready to fire anytime if required. Rick told Squanchy to follow him out of the vehicle, and the furry alien exited the turret as Rick fully stopped his vehicle's engine. They walked to the military, arms raised and hands in the air. Tammy walked towards the scientist while some Gromflomites put energy chains around his wrists. Squanchy growled in fear; a soldier shut him up by violently whacking him in the face.

''-So, Rick… How does it feel to be here? In the enemy's house, I mean… Must be pretty hard on your poor, old, dried-out scientist heart, right?

\- (Fuck) off, Tammy. We'll be *burps* out of this piece of (many bleeped out words) in no time!''

She laughed. ''-Oh, man… ''Smart guys'' she gestured '' like you, they make me laugh like no one. Anyway, d'you plan on actually, ya know, escaping this place?

-Well, geez, guess what,'' he answered sarcastically, ''of course I do, you prick!

-Oh. Well, geez, guess what, Rick. I don't give a (fuck)!''

She hit him as hard as humanly possible and he collapsed to the ground.

 **(Scene 11)**

It was darkness, pitch black. In the coldness of his cell, Rick woke up, feeling the hard ground under his back, as well as pain in his hand. He opened his eyes slowly, noticing that his right hand was now missing a part: a cylinder shaped hole was visible, almost exactly in the middle of the hand. Rick gulped and wanted to scream in pain, but he remained calm. He checked to see if he still had his things in his pockets, but no. He would've taken a lot of alcohol from his flask and tried to calm himself, but it was impossible now.

Rick looked around and noted that he was in a cell. Close to its opening, which was guarded by electrified metal bars, stood 2 Galactic Federation soldiers, talking to each other. They also guarded the scientist's cell, but they seemed to be rather interested in their conversation.

''-And so, I told Billy: looks like you should be called Boomer, cause you literally made this gun explode!

-Hahaha! That's a good one, my friend!''

The two Gromflomites laughed heartily together, and Rick growled loudly. They turned towards him, still laughing.

''Hey, what's up, old man?'' asked the one on the right. ''I hope you aren't two disappointed with your situation. Please, understand that we are just doing our job… Which is to keep senile dogs like you imprisoned, as long as is needed. Our friends will torture you, and get information out of you, no matter what the cost is.'' He then farted, ad Rick's eyes widened as he looked upon the scene incredulously.

''-What the… What the *burps* hell was that, man? You… you-you're just gonna call me old, and names and shit, and just fart like that, out of nowhere. W-what the hell?

-Oh, I'm sorry,'' the alien said sarcastically, ''but I have the right to fart whenever and wherever I want to. To me, it simply is a natural part of being a soldier.

-Yeah, and getting put in a cold-ass cell, aboard of a stupid spaceship, is simply a natural part of being a scientist.'' Rick paused and chuckled. ''Hehe… Where did your sense of logic stay? On your home planet of degenerate fly people? You *burps* ugly dumbass.

-Son of a **bitch**! YOU TAKE THAT BACK NOW!''

Rick looked at his enemy, amused. It seemed like being a racist asshole to him could give Rick a chance to escape the cell, and the ship afterwards. He snorted, looked down at the floor and stared at the guard.

''-You know, I'm usually not the kind of guy prone to actually, directly hurt people while insulting them, but you're a special case. You *burps* you know Gromflomites are literally an inferior species, right?'' Rick looked at the guard, whose eyes seemed to burn bright of a hating fire. ''All you do is (fuck) and lay eggs. J-just like bugs, except that you feel like you actually possess intelligence, and deserve to be respected by sentient species.

-Ron, don't get mad. He's just saying all of this because he wants to escape!''

But Ron didn't listen to what his guard friend said. He deactivated the bars, entered the cell, and violently jumped on Rick, hitting his face in and smashing his head over the ground multiple times. The second guard came in and tried to stop his friend, but a large silhouette suddenly came in behind him and snapped his neck before breaking Ron's back.

Squanchy had just broke out of his cell and murdered the two guards without a hint of remorse, all the while in his giant form. He lifted Rick and made him sit on his back, and then started running down a hallway.

''-Squanchy? How did you escape?

-These idiots forgot to squanch my teeth, and I still have my ''muscle potion'' in one of them, Rick.'' He said in his now deep voice. ''-I'll get us out of here in no time, and you better believe I'm squanching the truth!

-Woohoo! My best friend is a giant again, people! Kiss my ass and go squanch yourself!''

Squanchy ran around the ship, trying to find an escape, or a way to get to Rick's ship, while the latter clutched to his back. Squanchy stopped for a second, taking out Rick's flask and gun from his fur and offering them to him. Rick was happier than ever.

''-Here you go, you darn squancher! Have a taste of that again and be happy: I'll squanch us out of here, I promise.

-Woohoo!'', Rick exclaimed before taking a gulping his flask, ''Yeah, that's what I'm talking about! Uh, I *burps* don't know where they put the ship though…

-Maybe it's in there,'' Squanchy said while pointing something. ''On this door, it says: ''Ship hangar, or hangar for smaller ships, created and designed specifically so ships can come inside our ship and then go back out, whether it's to their planet or to their death that they are headed to. Seriously, don't leave our ship unless absolutely necessary. Yeah, this is a ship hangar for ships inside another ship: you're welcome.''

-Jesus (fucking) fresh German tomato hell, Squanchy! That's a long ass name.'' Rick said, not knowing if it'd be better to laugh at the door's ridiculously long information plaque, or just be dead-serious and wonder who in the hell made this shit.

-You can squanch that again.

\- Jesus (fucking) fresh German tomato hell, Squanchy!

-Yyyyep. Now that I've heard it twice, I am 100% sure that you just created the worst possible combination of words in any language, ever. Congratusquanchions, Rick. Wait a sec, I'll just knock on the door.''

The alien knocked on the door, and from inside came Tammy's voice: ''Why don't you come in? We have a little… **surprise** for you.''

 **(Scene 12)**

Squanchy punched the door down and walked over it. Rick armed his gun and jumped off his back. The duo walked a few steps and watched in horror and disbelief at what was before them: Birdperson was now Phoenixperson. His body was cybernetically modified into a war machine, and he was now being used as a Federation agent and living weapon (He had the same appearance as he had in the post-credit scene for _The Rickshank Rickdemption.)_

Tammy and a few Gromflomites soldiers stood behind Rick and Squanchy's transformed friend. Tammy let out a cold, evil laugh and whispered into Phoenixperson's ear. He turned towards his previous friends and pointed an arm blaster at them.

''-Birdperson is dead. I am Phoenixperson and I am going to murder you now.

-W-W-WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?'' Rick screamed, wanting to understand.

''-Oh, Rick. Not only are you old **as shit** , you're also as blind as a mole,'' Tammy spit. ''We made him better. That's all.

-T-THAT'S ALL? **THAT'S ALL?!** Listen, I don't know what the (fuck) is wrong with you, but this… this is just plain **sick**! You (fucking) pile of crap! You *burps* come in, tell him you love him, you have *burps* sex with him, and then what? All of this for what? Just to backstab him and… and TURN HIM INTO A KILLING MACHINE?''

Rick paused while Tammy and the Gromflomites laughed.

''-PEOPLE LIKE YOU, TAMMY: THEY RUIN EVERYTHING, BACKSTAB EVERYONE, AND ROLL LIKE A BULLDOZER OVER, HELL, MAYBE THE ENTIRE MULTIVERSE! You *burps* are a controlled plague that needs to be stopped. But… there's still… hope! You don't have to do this, and we don't have to fight, and all- all of this- can be forgotten. I-I promise we won't *burps* mess with the Federation after.

-Oh, Rick. Oh my god! You just proved, once again, that you are the dumbest smart person in all that exists. You'' she walked to him and pointed him ''think you're the shit. You think everyone needs you, likes you, owes you, and respects you! Well, guess what, Rick? Today's the day of reckoning, because we will show you how wrong you are.'' She paused and laughed. ''I never loved Birdperson. My ''romance'' with him was just the first step in a plan to destabilize you: it worked! Your best friend is, technically speaking, dead… And he's never coming back. But I guess you just can't understand that.''

She eyed him in defiance, a hand on her gun and the other one behind her back, ready to give a sign to her soldiers, and ready to start the fight. Rick breathed heavily and clenched his teeth together; Squanchy smashed his fists in and cracked his knuckles. They looked at each other and charged into the enemies.

Phoenixperson elevated himself into the air and threw shards at the duo. Rick dodged them, but Squanchy received a couple of them in his right arm and squinted in pain. Rick yelled ''Throw me!'' at Squanchy, and was, indeed, thrown towards his new opponent. He took out a Jelly-like substance and placed it over Phoenixperson's face, before propelling himself back to Squanchy's side. Rick took out a remote that was tugged in under his sleeve and pressed a red button, shocking Phoenixperson.

''-Shock jelly bomb! It's very painful, Tammy, if I press this button again, the jelly will *burps* pass through his skin, go inside his body and make him explode *burps*completely. Do not make me do that!

-Rick, 2 questions. 1: Why would you even want to do that –since it includes murdering your friend- and 2: why on Earth would you even invent something like… this?

-Tammy, two answers. 1: Because I don't know if there's a way of bringing him back completely and 2: because I can, so (fuck) you!''

Tammy and Rick glared at each other. Meanwhile, Squanchy was smashing, bashing, and violently murdering all of the soldiers, and Phoenixperson yelled in pain.

Birdperson's backstabbing wife ran towards Rick, and struck him multiple times with pretty much all the parts of her body. She tied herself around the scientist's head and began to choke him with her legs, while also hitting his face from both sides at the same. Rick succeeded in making her let go of him, and threw her across the room: with a big ''thud'', she landed on a ship and winced. Squanchy looked back in horror as something entered the room and came behind Rick. He warned his friend: ''Rick, behind you!''

General Blurm shot Tammy and pointed his laser gun in Rick's direction, laughing.

 **(Scene 13)**

Mr. Goldenfold and Beth were now sitting on the roof of the Smith residence, looking at the stars and holding hands. She pointed a shooting star and asked him to make a wish.

''I'll tell you my wish, but only if you make a wish yourself, and say it too. Okay? In 5…''

She nodded. He counted ''4, 3, 2, and 1!'' pretty quickly, and they both blurted something out at the same time: ''I wish for us to stay together for a while and see where things go'', and ''I wish for my dad to come back home, and for Morty to not be sick!''. Beth looked at Mr. Goldenfold and laughed; he laughed too. He put one arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead. She stared into the almost-empty void that is space and sighed.

''-I know it might not be the best thing to talk about, and that I'm not really giving any attention to what you just wished, but… I need to talk about my dad.

-Well, go on, Beth. '' He said, ''I will listen.

-We had a small, but necessary conversation Yesterday, and that led to him convincing me'', she said, putting emphasis on her words ''that I needed to try a dating site. And you know what? It worked. I mean, look where we are now, right?'' She laughed. ''It's just… He's never been that present for me. Used to build me all sorts of fun, useful, or even deadly gadgets when I was a little girl, but he was always occupied with building, and mixing, and testing out stuff in his lab. After I got pregnant with Summer, he pretty much disappeared from my life, only coming back too many years later. And I wonder, ''she said, scratching her face lightly, ''why did he ever decide to return to me? To return to Jerry, and finally get to meet his grandkids? It doesn't make sense!

-Nothing makes sense, Beth. I believe life's meaningless.

-What?

-Yeah, you heard that right: life's meaningless. I mean, the only reason I'm a math teacher, is because teaching math is the only thing I'm actually good at.'' He looked at her. '' If life actually had a meaning, I would have evolved as a person, don't you think? I wouldn't be who I am today, and I also wouldn't be teaching damn maths to stupid kids!'' He paused. ''Now, I… I don't hate it, my job. But sometimes, I guess you just feel like you've got to press ''pause'' on certain parts of your life. And that's probably what your father did. He pressed ''paused'' on his science and work life, but pressed ''start'' again on his family life. Your father probably just felt very empty and sad, because he realised his life is meaningless, and so, came back to his family in order to find something that had meaning to him.

-Mr. Goldenfold?'' she asked.

''-Yes?

-Thank you.

-For what?

-I gotta say, these words were pretty smart and true. I think you're right, and I think I'll try to get closer to him. I've gotta try, she declared.

-Then go.''

 **(Scene 14)**

Blurm smiled creepily and stared deep into Rick's eyes, still aiming his weapon at him. He walked around the criminal, circling him just like a predator would naturally patrol the space between it and its prey. Blurm spun around while walking, pointing the gun at Squanchy and Rick, alternating between the two of them. Phoenixperson got up, still hurt from the shock, and walked to Blurm. The general smirked and pat his ally's back.

''-You're probably wondering why I shot Tammy, and why I'm here in the first place. Before you start thinking that today is the day I will answer any of these questions, I must ask something to Rick.'' He turned to face him. ''You poor soul, who do you think you are?

-The man who's gonna strike you down, and get the hell out of here!

-I can say that you are completely and incredibly wrong. To answer, you are: a scientist, a grandfather, a criminal, and, above all, the destroyer of the Galactic Federation. You know, our entire organisation almost collapsed, thanks to you. Fortunately, I was there to save it, and I was a hero. Now, I only seek vengeance against you.

-Look, uh, just b-because I *burps* broke out of your stupid space prison, and (fucked) everything up for you and all of your evil friends, doesn't mean you get to kill me, Rick let out.

-Oh. I know that, but worry not: I get to do something that's way better.''

And with these words, he shot Phoenixperson in the head. The body fell to the ground, observed by the stupefied faces of everybody. Rick grabbed his head, dropped to his knees and yelled to the top of his lungs: ''Phoenixperson! No!''

A roaring Squanchy rushed to Blurm and knocked the gun out of his hand. He then slapped his face as hard as possible, uppercut him and sent him flying all over to the end of the room. Squanchy then rushed to the other side, and bashed Blurm's head in, hitting it multiple times and only stopping when his fists were literally covered with blood. Tammy watched in horror as her boss's dead body kept getting hammered by the huge fists. When Rick went to check on his friend, she got on all four and moved slowly and precautiously to the nearest ship, before pressing a button on its side and jumping into the cockpit. A hangar door opened itself, and the ship soared out into open space. Rick tried to shoot Tammy's ship with his laser blaster, but it was no use.

"Do something, Squanchy! She's getting away! She's getting away…''

And for the second time in a row, Rick fell to his knees and started sobbing uncontrollably. Squanchy turned back into his regular form and hugged him.

''-I… I don't understand what the squanch just happened. Maybe we can get him back in shape, he said, hopeful.

-It's no use. We've lost him forever, buddy. I…'' He wiped a tear from under his eye. ''I don't understand either. But I can only say that today… Today was one of the worst days in my life, and I'm sorry you were ever involved in all this too, Squanchy.

-It's alright, Rick, I swear. I understand we can't do anything about it.''

Suddenly, Rick found a hidden control panel, and pressed a big, glowing, red alarm button, which let out a ''Auto-destruction activated. Ship will explode in 10 minutes.''

''Let's get out of here'' was all the scientist could say before going to his ship, Squanchy following him closely. They jumped into Rick's ship and left the Galactic Federation's ship. Squanchy looked behind with tears in his eyes, and Rick drove his vehicle while shaking and crying lightly.

(Instead of the regular theme song, sad music plays as the credits roll.)

 **(Post-credits scene, or Scene 15)**

A sitting Rick was laying his head down on the garage's desk. Next to him was a broken homemade guillotine. Beth entered the room, a bit startled, and transported the mini-guillotine into a garbage can, before going to her dad. She poked him on the shoulder.

''-Dad? Did you try to kill yourself again, she asked.

-Yeah. I *burps* tried, but as you can see, it didn't work. Nothing works in my life these days, I swear.'' He lifted his head and stretched himself. ''Betty honey, do me a favor and tell Mr. Goldenfold I'd rather not see him today. Yesterday was already hard enough, and I don't need to meet your new boyfriend when I'm depressed.

-Oh dad, ''she kissed him on the head, ''I am entirely with you. I know how hard it must be for you to have to cope with… you know what, and I want to make sure that Morty, Summer, and I give you all the support you need to get over it, I guess. Hell, I'd even bring Jerry back home for a while if you wanna have fun being mean to him. Yeah, that might help, huh?

-Urgh. I appreciate that, Beth, but even though you think you can help me with anything, I know for sure that I have to go through all of this alone. It's… *burps* not going to be easy, but I can do it.

-If you say so.'' She looked around and snapped her fingers. ''Oh, I'm changing subjects, but if Squanchy wants to eat dinner with us tonight, he's gonna like it, and you will too. I'm preparing one of your favorite dishes: enchiladas.

-Whatever.''

She walked out the room while he looked at the camera, and said: ''that episode got pretty dark, didn't it?''

The screen faded to black.

 **Author's note: Well, that took longer than I expected! I got delayed a lot, thanks to college classes, events and what's not. I know this whole episode wasn't particularly funny and got sad at the end, but the next one will feel way lighter. Pretty soon, I will finally create a poll and ask people to send me their OC application forms for Total Drama Ocean. Also, darn! This episode is longer than 10000 words, which is a new personal record for me. If you guys would rather have the next Rick and Morty story be shorter, tell me. Last thing: don't worry about Morty, I just felt like he didn't need to be in** _ **Rick and Squanchy**_ **. Until next time!**


End file.
